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Annual Medical Check-up Stories

I rescheduled my annual medical check-up for today. That means I did not go to work today, in case you are wondering where I found the time.

The good thing is that I did not pay a dime for it. It is one of the benefits of registering with a HMO.

I had to pick up my sample bottles (for urinalysis and stool analysis) yesterday. I asked if I could not have picked up the bottles today and the answer was “Will you be able to produce stool on demand?” Of course, my answer was “No”.

I was told to eat my last meal by 8pm yesterday and not eat before coming for the tests today.

The voices whispering to me to ruin the fast really tried but they did not prevail. They told me to drink cornflakes after 8pm yesterday and told me to eat my left-over puff-puff this morning. The person I told yesterday that I was asked to come fasting decided to boil egg for me this morning. The temptation was strong but #Olowogbogboro prevailed, lol.

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As usual, I have #TalesFromTheRoad to share. You can read the gist here.

As I got to the hospital, I was directed to the phleb… sontin sontin. I submitted the urine and blood samples. I kept imagining scenarios where the samples left the cover of the bag I hide them on my way to the hospital. I could not imagine how I would deal with the shame. Again, #Olowogbogboro prevailed and your personal person did not get to trend on the internet for dropping urine and stool samples from okada, lol.

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It was now time to find veins to draw blood for the blood tests. That’s how we started searching for big veins upandan. The lady found one vein and said it was like a rope. She said the size of the vein was the same as her needle, lol. We searched for a few minutes and she finally found one she could use.

Next, I was to go for x-rays but there was no one to attend to me. I went for ECG next. I checked my weight and height. The young man that checked told me that my BMI is good. The only reason I have to lose weight now is to ensure that I can fit into my old clothes, lol.

As the lady set up the electrodes, I can’t tell why BDSM was the first thing that came to mind. When she told me that she was using electrodes, I asked if if she was going to pass electricity through my heart. She assured me that she would do no such thing. She did her best to answer my questions and that relaxed me.

She asked me to go for the x-ray and come back for the eye test. I told her that there was no need for the eye test, I already know I will fail the test, lol. That’s one reason why I don’t drive.

I went for the x-ray and I was told to remove my top and underwear again. I kept reminding myself why I try to have decent underwear. One silly thought came to me about those people that are always happy to throw shades at slayqueens. I imagined one saving a slayqueen from a near-death experience but going on and on about the state of her underwear, lol.

I returned to the ECG lady and I was taken to where I was to take the eye test. As predicted, I failed the test. The only cheering news is that one eye can see better than the other. The first person to send the correct answer to thetentmakersonline@gmail.com gets a prize from me.

I kept praying all through that each person would do the right thing and there would be no complications. You can laugh all you want but I’m currently mourning a loved one who passed on after undergoing what we would consider to be a routine operation. I am still in shock.

Anyway, try to schedule a full blown medical evaluation at least once in 2 years if you are less than 40 years old. Older people should schedule their tests yearly.

Welcome to my world!

#FriendlyHealthWorker

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